You're Not Giving Birth On A Softball Field

You're Not Giving Birth On A Softball Field     
        

       As we get closer to the inevitable day where a person mysteriously comes out of the mother , I as a man asked myself a few important questions.  1. How did the baby get in there? 2. Although men contribute "half the work, are we really equal contributors? and 3. How is such a big thing going to come out of such a small space? 
Science has shown us that these questions have answers, but I'm still not convinced. All I know is that worrying about when this event is going to happen consumes you once you hit the 8 month mark.  Every yawn, cough or sneeze is her yelling out that she's going into labor.  If you're REALLY creepy (which i am), you literally stare at her in her sleep and wait for something to happen. (it never does). 
Certain events keep you busy and softball is one thing that our family enjoys.  My girlfriend is a monster of a softball player and we are both members of our company softball team , of which I am coach. If it was up to her, she would have literally given birth while taking out a double play at second base, but I convinced her that maybe it was about that time to be permanent scorekeeper and she was nice enough to listen to me. 
So the game goes on and as I run in from Center field each inning, I check with her and see how she's doing. "I'm fine, I'm fine" .  Ok... let's keep it rolling.  The fifth inning, if I recall correctly, was a bit different. I check the lineup to see who's batting next and I notice a pattern of numbers on the side of the paper. Because I'm not that smart, I ask her .   "uh what's that?".    She replies with something along the lines of "don't worry about it" . Thinking back to 5th grade sex ed class took some time, but I finally realize that these are contraction times and she's going into labor.  I make the sensible choice of immediately losing my sh#t and running around in circles.  After regaining my composure (getting tired), I tell her it's time to leave and she says "NO YOURE FINISHING THE GAME".  Another tip: Women are tough to convince to do something under any circumstance if their mind is made up.  Pregnant Women basically rule the world like Roman Emperors.  After a team effort of team members, myself and some "other things that happen", she finally relented and we headed off to GO HAVE A BABY!!!!!.  As I continued to cry/sweat/hyperventilate in the car, i turned to her and said : 
YOU'RE NOT GIVING BIRTH ON A SOFTBALL FIELD!

Stay tuned next week for   "Why can't I remember how to do anything now?". 

@babytalkbylenny  on Twitter.
Blog:  http://babytalkbylenny.blogspot.com/