"Why Does My Son Look Like An Alien?"

Being a Dad rules.  Let me make that clear.   Making a baby is great (wink wink).  Making your baby smile for the first time is awesome.  I can imagine watching him read/walk/drive/play for the first time is an amazing beautiful experience as well.  I see now what all the hoopla was about, and I have drunk the Kool-aid.

HOWEVER, and I want to make this clear, NOTHING about giving birth is beautiful.   Nothing about the process, nothing about the yelling and crying (mostly me), is even remotely something you can classify as beautiful. Women don’t think so, because they are pushing a HUGE thing out of a small place and in agonizing pain.  Men don’t think so because they are in the vicinity of their woman pushing a HUGE thing out of a small place.   The experience is amazing and mind boggling and incomprehensible, but NO , it’s not beautiful so stop it,  stop it right now.

To give you an idea, I think our son is the most beautiful baby in the world. I know what you're going to say “Everyone thinks that!” . Well there’s a difference, they’re delusional and wrong.  My little man is the most beautiful baby in the world.  You often hear people talk about or see people post pictures of their just born babies and everyone says “OMG Lorraine… he/she is SOOOOO Beautiful”.  This is another example of what I like to call “BLATANT LYING”. Babies fresh out of Mommy can only be classified as gross alien life forms.  They are filled with gunk, they have strange and peculiar faces, and in my son’s case, he actually had a cone head. Yes, he was a baby Dan Aykroyd.  I held him and loved him, but it took him a good couple days before he resembled a human being.  I want all you non-parents to go in with this expectation.  You will love them regardless of how alien-like they are, and they will turn into the most beautiful thing in your world, but that first day, they are far from “Breathtaking”.  They are little miracle goblins for the first day or two and you can deny it ladies and gentlemen, but it’s true. 

Next week, I’m going to start diving in on the beginning of the best friendship I have ever had, the one with my son.  He has taught his mommy and myself so much about life and happiness and how one little smile or belly laugh can literally eliminate 100 annoyances from your day.  You will never love anything or anyone as much as you love your child.  I hope you can see how much I LIKE this kid in coming weeks, as I write about our adventures in diaper changing, food eating, backwards crawling and using his Mommy and Daddy as a jungle gym.  I have so many questions about his future and I know they’ll all have answers one day. The only question I don’t have an answer for is the one I had in the early morning of May 3rd, 2013.

“Why Does My Son Look Like An Alien”.

Next Week:     “Why Does My Son Like Cuddling On Mommy’s Chest More Than Mine? “