"Why Can't I Remember How To Do Anything Now?"

       There have been many great, brilliant men since the beginning of time.  They have unlocked that the world is round, the meaning of life, and that if you throw an apple in the air, it will come down, and why.  They give out awards every year to these geniuses. I still can't imagine how we have gotten to the point where we can watch TV in our cars, talk on phones without holding a phone, and find out the weather in Bangladesh from our living room. But this was done by geniuses, both men and women, (but mostly men in fairness) that had this superior intellect. 

      That being said, when it comes to the day their wife went into labor, Einstein, Newton and Da Vinci were just as dumb as the next guy.  Whatever intelligence a man has is immediately lost when talks of waters breaking and "it's time" come into play.  My story will illustrate this point. 
       I'm not the most technically savvy guy in the world. However, I had practiced certain things time and time again so I was ready when I was told it's time to go the hospital. I knew the best route to get there, I knew what we needed to pack to bring , I knew how to fold up that stroller/car seat combination monstrosity and get it into the trunk.  Now, if you remember from my past entry,  We are at the softball field, we're racing home and my mind is racing on . what to pack/where the hospital is and will this kid hate me? We pull up to the house and I yelled at her to stay in the car and I ran inside at the speed of light. I come to the stroller and go to do something I’ve done A HUNDRED times.  Fold that puppy up and throw it over my shoulder.  This time, however, I literally had no clue how to do it.  I also had no clue where anything was that we had to pack, how to walk one step in front of another, and how to control my bowels.  I made the executive decision to get everything together, get it all outside and then fold it up out there .  Apparently, fresh air would bring my lost intelligence back to me.  It did not, I fought and yelled at her to stay in the car (she was much calmer and could have done this in ten seconds, but I felt like I could pull off folding up the stroller).  I then decided to sprint to my neighbor's and ask them for help since they just had a baby.  The look of shock and amazement at the confused/scared child in front of them was a thing of beauty.  As we tried to solve this Rubik’s Cube, something clicked and it was closed.  I said thanks... tripped over my own feet and ran to the car. Luckily enough, in the 12-14 hours I was gone, she didn't give birth in my Hyundai Sonata. That would have been bad. 
So to recap the things we've learned today,  Men are superior intelligently UNTIL the second labor/pregnancy/parenthood comes into play, then the gap is substantial.  I hope this public service announcement has made clear to any man out there considering fatherhood or the things that make fatherhood happen, it will make you dumber. This is not even counting the multiple TV shows with cute songs and bright colors.   It truly begs the question: 
"Why Can't I Remember How To Do Anything Now? "
Tune in next week for "OH GOD HOW IS SOMETHING GOING TO COME OUT OF THERE?"

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