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Health & Fitness

"No One Talks About How Painful Pregnancy Is For Men"

The day you have a baby is an exciting day. It's a day of happiness and hopes and dreams and all that other jazz. But the 8-9 months that follow can only be described as a mixture of jail time and Hell.  I'll give you an analogy that should ring true for all you guys out there.  

You know that feeling on Thanksgiving when there's SO MUCH good food, that you just keep eating after you're full. You just feel like you have a person inside you. It's like that, except instead of turkey and cranberry sauce, it's an ACTUAL PERSON.  This person apparently kicks, jabs and moves around like a cage fighter and women just go to work, go to school and go about life in between hanging over the toilet.  They are truly an inspiration.  

That being said, that's nothing compared to us poor men.  We have it rough and that's often forgotten.  Case in point:  I'm on the computer playing online poker or staring at my fantasy teams and she, after a long hard day of carrying around a person, dozes off.  I look over and there's a bag of Cheetos that I've been craving all day STARING me in the face. Can I eat them in the room? I sure can't. That would wake her. Can I go in the other room and eat them? NOPE, I have to be there to support her while she sleeps because "SHE'S carrying my child inside her all day and giving life to a human being"  This may be hormones talking but I speak for all men when I say that this is a very emotional time. 

Another example of how hard pregnancy is for men : How You Eat.  I would love to sit here and say that I'm the model of good eating and physical fitness, but there are multiple friends and family that will call me a liar.  However, I have good intentions.  When SHE wants an anchovy sundae with barbecue sauce at 10 PM from Friendly's, oh you're going to get it.  And that's all well and good.  But am I supposed to go and not get one for myself while I’m there, perhaps with a steaming plate of chicken tenders to go with it. I mean, I’m only human. If it was just me, I’d be lazy and not go to friendly’s.  I don't have that luxury when she's carrying my child, so I walk uphill both ways in the snow barefoot and I get her sundae and my sundae and my chicken strips and French fries and honey mustard and perhaps an extra grilled cheese and some more honey mustard. 

I do this for her, because she's carrying around a person and I do it for me as I want that person to be nourished and well fed.  Women should be applauded for all they do to bring people into this world. But NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW PAINFUL PREGNANCY IS FOR MEN.  

Tune in next week for "You're not giving birth on a softball field"

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